• December 3, 2015

Does Starbucks Hate Sales Guys?

Winning, money, profanity, and coffee are things sales guys like most. Starbucks seems to have a problem with that.

Starbucks started on their downward spiral of PC sausage-making when they opted to go with plain red cups and avoid any reference to Christmas – a move that obviously backfired and painted them as sissies trying to people please in the extreme. Now, it appears they’re on a mission to squash naughty cuss words – and their relationship with at least THIS sales guy.

My beef with Starbucks started when Spiro was denied access into their partnership program for *gasp* having profanity used in our app. Heavens to Betsy.

Sales guys love profanity – we even wrote a post on how it can add some zing to your sales game if used correctly. A well-placed f-bomb harnesses all that chi, like a karate master yelling HIYA before the match-winning kick.

While Starbucks was clutching their pearls I was scratching my head wondering how they’d be willing to reject good business (we were purchasing thousands of dollars of gift cards to give out to our users as a referral incentive). The only conclusion I came to was that they must really hate sales guys. The proof is in the pudding, just look at what they do:

They sell decaf

What nonsense is this? Who drinks decaf coffee? Sales guys need all the caffeine they can get to keep them amped up and running at 150 percent. Are they trying to sabotage our productivity with this bogus broken java? Warning: selling decaf may be a covert attempt to slow sales people down. Not. Cool.

Their music is too loud

It’s too loud and sometimes it’s really crappy. It’s like Dr. Moreau unleashed some grotesque Miles Davis-Dave Matthews-Sia hybrid hell bent on slaughtering our eardrums. I can’t hear myself think when I go into some of their locations and it makes it impossible to do business in person or on the phone.

They aren’t sales aware

Baristas don’t ask if you want a cookie with your latte. But they should. It’s a simple concept called an upsell. Starbucks obviously doesn’t get it.

When we asked the Starbucks partnership program rep what we should do about this categorical denial of access he said we should look into taking our business elsewhere. En garde, Starbucks, those are fighting words. We would have given you thousands of dollars in business, but you turned us down.

We’re innovators, rule-breakers, mavericks. We’re salespeople running on pure adrenaline and coffee – you think we have time to stop getting shit done because you want to be the PC police? Nope.

Down with the oppressors! 😉

Photo courtesy of media.breitbart.com